alright soo..

i havent done a proper post in a while. so im just going to rant here. It is going to be all complaing and stuff so,
not interested? then dont read =________________=" so simple.

ARGH, Every single day, I feel more and more lonely. And when I talk and someone actually listens, it feels like the most amazing thing. I always feel so insignificant, and that no one cares. I mean, why should they? IDK. Through out the day, I talk for a few..seconds..to people. Then I try and continue the conversation but they have already turned away and started talking to someone else. So. Freaking. Annoying.

Ever since Jocelyn And Karen found out about the "CLOCK" [NOTE TO SELF: GET. A. NEW. CODE. NAME. FOR. HIM.] situation, it seems to be the only thing that they talk about. Oh, and Justin too. Through out the torturous periods of french and maths where I sit next to Joce, all she screams about is clock and justin. OMGSH, just shut up please x_x She complains about her very first head ache ever. WELL. Every day I get about three head aches so STOP FREAKING COMPLAINING.

Oh and PFFT. Before Mr White even marked my last math's test and realised that I was actually OKAY at maths, he never even knew my name. He called me Judy. He has called me that since the beginning of the year apparently. But I, and everyone else, always thought that he was talking about someone else. But anyways, after my randomly very good mark in my test, he picks on me ALL THE TIME in class, and im like, ARGH >_> Just go ask some other person. And he is always glaring or staring at me now. Its so creepy. Like he is checking to see if there was any way that I could have cheated in that test. I mean, I bet everyone in the class is like, WHAT..THE..HECK...HOW DID SHE GET BETTER THAN ME? FLJGHSFDLGHFSDGLSH but still. x_x"

I had piano lesson today right, sometimes I just wanna scream at my teacher. So, when I started learning the concert piece, he told me to "not worry" about certain aspects of the piece. So I just didn't do them. And then one and a half weeks before the concert, he's like, WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING THIS AND THIS? And I just can't help but roll my eyes. I can't talk back, coz like, I CANT. And then he gives me these lines to say to introduce myself and it has to be WORD FOR WORD. And I need to sounds very EXPRESSIVE or whatever while saying it. MAN, I don't wanna sound like a retard =_= And then thats not it. Apparently there is certain rules of what I can and can't wear O_O" I am suppose to be wearing something formal. Formal. FORMAL?? I can't do that =_= My closet consists of jeans and retarded T-Shirts that were a good idea to buy at the time. So, I need to break the news to my mother that she needs to buy me a FORMAL dress that is suitable for me that play a freaking BOAT SONG in because my teacher doesn't think jeans are nice. RAWR.

Okay so now I am going to talk about my eclairs. THEY WERE SO FRUSTRATING. IT WAS THE WORST THING EVER. THEY DIDN'T RISE. THEY WERE LESS THAN A CM THICK X_X AND I HAD TO CUT THEM IN HALF TO PUT THE CREAM IN, SO IT WAS EVEN THINNER. And I ended up putting heaps and heaps of cream in each, so then I didn't have enough cream to fill them all. And the cream was really really sweet. Not funny. And then the icing was epic fail. HAD TO RE-DO IT THREE TIMES. The first time, I added extra sugar in, but the sugar didn't melt. So it wasn't nice and smooth. So gross to eat. I wasted a whole block of chocolate and heaps of butter. By the time I had realised my epic failure of my icing, it was 8pm. I really had to re-do it. I ran out of chocolate and ran out of butter. So, I had to get my dad to drive me to IGA and let me tell you, he was certainly not very happy. When we got back, I let the butter get a bit too warm so then the butter SEPERATED X_X Wasted another block of chocolate. Well, thats what I thought. I was about to chuck it out when mum was like, NOO, Add some creamed milk in. IT MIGHT HELP. And i was like thinking...what the heck, it would soo totally curdle. And that exactly happened. Not a whole two seconds past and the whole thing curdles and looked like processed poop. Seriously.

And now clock is talking about all these reasons why he should just stop and get out of peoples lives coz apparently he is causing havoc. And this just makes me feel really really bad, because I blame myself for why he is feeling not-so-good right now. I mean, if I had just shut up my mouth then things would have still been okay! But nooo I just had to be a silly gossiper and tell my friends who told others and then =__="

All the time, I am reminded that I am wasting my time. SHUT UP, I AM TRYING TO BE IN DENIAL, OKAY? =_= I was walking with him the other day and then someone comes and reminds me of a certain thing that keeps me in doubt and makes me feel especially upset. I know that she is right. He totally and obviously likes my friend and not me =_= No point in trying either. And then later that day, I was like, "hey can you fix my bow for me?" and she was like, "pfft its not like you need to impress anyone. he isn't in our maths class" and like ARGH, not EVERYTHING is about boys. HGSKJSHFGLSDFGJHSFLGHJSFBDLGHJSFD GEEZ X_X

I can always sense the reluctance of the people around me to talk to me. I say hi, and then they are like *bites lip* "ummm hi. i...really really need to go now O_O....."
=________="

It is so often that I just want to crawl up into a ball and cry. I try and smile and stuff or otherwise people are like "OH NO DOROTHY, WHAT HAPPENED?" and then like, everything just seems a lot worse. Do you ever get that? Of course you do. =_= Man, I know im talking to myself. But this is where I am just releasing everything. So what. Idk. BLAHHH.